Before I start let me start this post, I would love for you to read a status that was on one of my friend‘s facebook page. Please don‘t skim through this verse assuming that you know it, actually read it.
“If a brother sins against you, go and tell someone else, but do not approach the brother about it. If he sins against you again, go and tell another person. And if he sins yet again, mention it to someone else, then drop a hint to the brother. Sooner or later, he'll get the message. If not, leave the church and find somewhere else to go.” Matthew 18:15 (John Meade).
The point of my bringing John’s status will manifest itself within this blog… and so I begin…
I came across the story of Noah and proceeding to read through it, I was very happy because it was such a familiar story that brought memories of bible story times with my mom wrapping its nostalgic arms around me. I read beyond the flood into what happened with Noah and his family following the rebirth of the earth.
Noah became a vineyard owner and from the fruits of his labor, Noah enjoyed some wine. However, like 140 million of the world’s population, Noah didn’t know when to say when; Noah would get drunk.
It so happened that in one of those “not saying when” phases, the man that God had chosen to assist Him in eradicating just about all of planet earth found himself sprawled on his bed, drunk and naked.
It also happens that his son, Mr. Ham, (no seriously, that’s his name. Really wish I could say I made it up, but I didn’t) walks into Noah’s tent and finds what I can only describe as “at least 1½ years of therapy worth TMI” looking up at him in the form of an unclothed father. Ham runs out and tell his brothers Shem and Japheth who in turn take a garment, put it on their shoulders and walking backwards into their father’s tent, cover him up.
Noah wakes up and finds out what his youngest son had done to him and Noah curses Ham. And it is one of those serious old testament curses where they don’t just curse you. No, like several of your generations pretty much have your evil to live after and after and after them. Cool huh?
Genesis 9:25-26 “Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers…”
Vs26: Blessed be the Lord, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slaves of Shem. May God extend the territory of Japheth; may Japheth live in the tents of Shem, and may Canaan be his slave.”
Yep, that bites… for Shem. All he did was go outside and tell his brothers that his father was lying down drunk and naked on his bed. That was all he did. Right? Or was it?
I always love people’s thoughts on something I write or say, so that if I am wrong or could learn even greater things than I already have been blessed to know I would grow in wisdom.
Ham did what I did everyday but somehow never ever have actually realized or taken into consideration in the slightest bit. In fact, I was so unaware of the fact that I do it, that now I am actually completely and utterly eradicating it out of my life so much so that I don’t even stay in the company of it being done if I can help it. Ham did something that when I would read about it, I would just condemn him so much and say “I would never do something like that” and carry on to Genesis 10. You don’t usually get gossip out of that story when you read it. But I thought more as I decided to actually grow out of the practice really and stop living in the denial of “well we are ‘discussing’ this matter for the well-being of this person” on the meaning of gossip and this is what I came up with.
“Gossip is the conversation between two or more people about someone else that takes away that ‘someone else’s dignity, respect, and privacy. You are not “helping” them by having a conversation about them that only speaks of their wrongs with no intentions of actively ENCOURAGING them out of it. Interventions are such instances where they sit around and talk about the person and then SOMETHING happens. They DO something immediately following that discussion. Gossip is such an instance where they sit around and talk about the person and then NOTHING happens. They DON’T do anything immediately following that discussion; in fact, they don’t do anything a year after having that discussion.
When I was little, my mother explained this story in a way that made me think that Ham had gone outside and blabbed to his brothers and laughed about his dad’s nakedness and I had gone with that for a while until I actually read it again when I was older and found out that the bible said that Ham went outside and told his brothers. It didn’t say anything about laughter or jest. I always assumed that for him to merit the curse that he did, he must have done a bit more than just telling his brothers that his father was naked. I found out a few days ago, that I actually believed that he did just go out and tell them without the blabbing or laughing. Why? Because of the way that his brothers went about covering their father. They went with a garment on their shoulders and walked backwards not looking at his nakedness. There is just a little bit more meticulous care than say… throwing the cloth on Noah and telling him to cover himself up or waking him and informing him to stop making a fool of himself.
Shem and Japheth by getting up after unfortunately finding out from their brother that their father was naked went in with a garment backwards (preserving his dignity and respect) and covered their father’s nakedness (preserving his privacy).
I am not even going to speak on the times that we are absolutely sure we are gossiping. We know the really apparent times, like just random conversations that really really tarnish someone’s image and embitter the minds of everyone else present during your rant who might potentially meet them. I am not going to talk about those times. I am addressing those times that we are more than sure we are NOT gossiping but actually are in an entirely whole magnificently crippling way.
You know that time when I approached someone and told them something that may have occurred with someone else that I thought was really weird and awkward? Yeah that was gossiping. How? Well, if I walked into a room and overheard someone telling someone else about how weird and awkward I was, I wouldn’t appreciate it. The person I spoke about, not only did I not preserve their dignity respect and privacy, I took it away by speaking them out of the sheer nature of that person.
You know when I have a friend who might have a problem and exasperatedly I come to you and vent? Is that gossip or is that seeking solace?
Maybe; maybe not?
What was the outcome of my “venting”?
If my friend and I proceeded to talk about said person and speak on their shortcoming (while of course throwing their “strong points” in there - for good measure), and then calling it a night and then not speaking with that person privately and in a no finger pointing manner, then yes we gossiped. However, if we did it the proper way and found the friend and sat her down and encouragingly while protecting who that friend was, spoke with her, then we did not gossip. Our endeavor was PRODUCTIVE. Gossip is an UNPRODUCTIVE conversation about someone.
Shem and Japheth did not throw a cloth on Noah and say “you have got to stop doing this. Get yourself together and go to rehab or something” (granted AA was not meeting at that time). Would they have a point if they did? Yeah huh! They did not wake him up and point out how ridiculous he looked sprawled naked on his bed. Would they have had a point with that too? Ya betcha! No, they saw the man inside the drunk. And at that time, the best thing they could do for him was cover him up.
… and they did.
So to summarize, gossip is an unproductive conversation that does not protect the dignity, respect or privacy. In gossip I seek to point out the other’s faults and unfortunately for me
… I only end up exposing myself.
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