Breaking Up

So, a friend asked me to share my thoughts on a particular subject especially because I just went through one and a few of my friends either just did, or are teetering on the edge of one. The issue: “Breaking up.” First off, whether you’re the one breaking it, or the one being broken up with, a breakup is hard. On both parties. Period. 1. Take the time to mourn your loss. No matter how long or short it was, it happened and pretending it didn’t only sweeps it under the rug only for it to definitely surface at ill opportune times. 2. Reassess what you want. After my breakup, I realized that I had settled in a lot of places I just generally would never normally. My ability to put up with it as much as I did for as long as I did to me is growth. My relationship lasted for a month and a half. It usually took me 1-2 weeks to call it quits when I just didn’t see a future. I have a brother who by the way he treats me has conditioned me to know what I am worth, and how I should be treated. My brother does what I ask him to do. Most of time it doesn’t make sense at the time. Most of the time, it doesn’t make sense at all. But he does it. I recently began to notice that some things my brother does, he didn’t particularly enjoy at first. He did it for me so often and so much (without my noticing, or him having to point it out every time) that it just became a habit for him. When my brother drives with me in the car at night, he opens my door and makes sure I am in the car before he gets in the car. If I tell my brother that he hurt me in some way or another, he fixes it. He may come later to tell me why he had rationalized it differently than what I had taken as a hurt. But he fixes it first. My brother picks up every time I call him. If he can’t get to the phone, he texts immediately to tell me when he will be able to talk. My brother could be watching the most riveting show on TV, and I send him on an errand for me, and he’ll go. I don’t know the girl my brother would marry, but she is the LUCKIEST woman alive. My uncle, Donald, and my cousin Kelvyn, are by far smarter and wiser than me to no end. I have never needed anything and they were around and not done it for me. These men thoroughly love me and there aren’t any mountains they wouldn’t move, to make me happy. My purpose of telling you about this men in my life is to tell you that I have been conditioned to be immensely and unequivocally loved. It’s not that I don’t want to settle. It’s just I wouldn’t know how to. 3. Let it go. It’s overrated, I know. Your future boyfriend/girlfriend does NOT want to hear about your exes. The ONLY time they want to hear about your exes is when they ask. Specifically. Even when they do, answer the SPECIFIC question they asked, and stop talking about it. Nothing ages and wears on a current relationship than the baggage of the old ones. I am a HUGE advocate of therapy. Go talk to someone qualified about something huge that happened and devastated you. Therapy is all about just verbalizing pain and hurt… or even joy that is just brewing and lying stagnantly inside. Talking about it is cauterizing and it just… it is about you. 4. Cry. Let it burn. Let it dwell. Don’t pretend it doesn’t hurt like hell. 5. Then you come alive. 6. Don’t go back. IN CASE YOU DO CONSIDER GOING BACK. FOR THE ONE WHO DID THE BREAKING There was a reason why you broke up with him/her. Personally, I don’t believe in going back. However, if you do take them back, make sure they are coming back the right way. For me, my ex told me that there wasn’t anything in the world that he wouldn’t do for me. The problem was, as it turned out, there wasn’t anything that I asked him to do that he was willing to do. If he couldn’t do the small things like read a book, or an article, how was he going to be when I would make a huge request of him? If my ex were to come back, I would expect that he’d read the goddamn book, all the articles, and held a freaking boom box next to my window. If you take someone back exactly the way they were when you broke up, WHY THE HECK DID YOU BREAK UP?! IF YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WAS BROKEN UP WITH If you think the person is worth what they wanted from you, then make it right. If you’re not going to make it right, leave them alone. And none of that “I’m going to try” B.S. Nah shorty, you already did that. If you’re going to come back, come back right.